took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
