You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
