shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
