There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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