Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
