My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
