Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
