I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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