The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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