I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
