Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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