i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
