I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
