She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We were destined to go to rehab together
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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