At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
