is your mom at the bar?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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