You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I just blew my weed a kiss
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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