I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
