we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
