Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
