Please, let me fuck your mom
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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