haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's rum buckets o'clock
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
