I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The uberlube is also flammable
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
