All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
