You're my little dorito
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
