I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
