mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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