WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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