ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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