1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
