rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
