i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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