I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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