i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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