A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
