I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
operation harelip BJ is a go
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
