I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
