I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
