Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
