Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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