drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
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