I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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