wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
