Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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