you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
