She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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