I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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