tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We're too hungover to prance.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
