if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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