You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
