its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
