I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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