He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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