I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
