My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
